I came across this quote a few weeks ago, it really struck me with its honesty.
“We teach best what we most need to learn”. By Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.
It seems this has been evident in my personal and professional life.
I have been gripped by the experience of feeling shame and fear when I measure myself as “good enough”. Brene Brown was introduced to me nearly 10 years ago. Her research and work into Shame, Vulnerability, Courageousness and Wholehearted living has touched millions of lives. Mainly because she has us a way to speak about the presence of shame and how this grips each of us, in one way or another through our lives.
For me, Shame is deeply felt when I expect perfection from myself in certain areas of my life.
Brene explains in her book ‘The gift of Imperfections’, we tend to acknowledge we have perfectionism tendencies but do not acknowledge we feel shame, of which they are friends.
As a recovering Perfectionist and an aspiring good enoughist, I have become sensitive to this expectation existing in others.
Perfectionism is not the same thing as self improvement or doing your best. It is more a bullying belief is trying to earn approval and acceptance to ‘feel enough’.
Growing up in my family, I learned achievements in school, good grades, rule following, people pleasing, how I looked were ways to earn that approval. (Of course, I didn’t do that well, according to others, so more shame and helplessness is felt)
This created a looming weight of vigilance and surveillance within me, always asking what other people may say, think and do in relation to my projected “image or masks”. It is clearly recognised this perfectionism also invites anxiety, depression, addictions and life paralysis.
Today, Perfectionsim I see you!
I understand where you came from!
Today, I am the Adult, keeping a look out for my inner child’s tendency to revert.
I offer compassion, Love and Permission to myself, to explore, try new things, trust my creative spirit and be ok to look silly, to fuck up with some light heartedness and enjoy the process.
Can you relate to this feeling of Shame and feeling trapped to be someone you are not?
So keeping it real…this week the “little fuck up” this week is (would have felt big many years ago). I have printed and advertised the wrong business phone number.
I wrote it down wrong. Uh duh!!!
No shame! Just an opportunity to own my mistake, learn from this and have a wee giggle. hahaha